These were copied from internet sources. No comments are mine - Jim
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This article is based on
the following book: |
The Big IdeaDo you change the world, or do you change yourself, and the way you view the world? In this book, Stephen Covey talks about powerful lessons in personal change and argues that the personal premise towards the path to effectiveness starts from within. Perception is key to personal change. Change is a catalyst for continuous improvement, and without change, improvement cannot take place. To effect change one must assess personal principles and paradigms that run deeply entrenched within a person. Principles and paradigms govern a person so an honest and careful assessment is called for. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People presents an "inside-out" approach to effectiveness that is centered on principles and character. "Inside-out" means that the change must start from within, moving through a paradigm shift towards a new level of thinking, feeling, and empowered interdependence reflected through actions. |
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Introduction Key ideas For most people, change is an easy thing as their perception of change is anchored on the superficial so they are prone to easy fixes. Quick fixes, however, do not address the underlying chronic problems. People who want to change a situation must first change themselves. And to change themselves effectively, they must first change their perceptions, inner-values and ethics Character vs. Personality Ethics Character ethics illustrate the struggles of a person to incorporate principles and habits into his lifestyle. Character is perceived to comprise the deeper principles and foundations of success such as: courage, integrity, justice, and patience. This ethic professes that certain principles, once integrated in the basic character of a person, will allow him to experience the true essence of success and happiness. Personality ethic largely characterized the literature on self-improvement, psychology and personality development in the 1970's. This ethic attributes success to various personality traits such as skills, techniques, and maintaining a positive attitude in human interaction. Power of a Paradigm Paradigms are theoretical and philosophical framework or models that serve as the lens through which people see the world. It affects a person's biases and prejudices. Paradigms are the platform from which people judge other people. They are the source of people's perceptions and interpretations. Stephen Covey talks about paradigm in terms of a map. Paradigms are maps where territories are outlined and boundaries are drawn. A map is not the territory per se but to be able to navigate through a territory one must employ the human tools of behavior and attitude. A person may have the right attitude to go about a territory, but if the person is using the wrong map, then he may not get anywhere near his goal. As long as a person is equipped with the right map, and coupled with proper behavior and right attitude, the goal will always be attained even when frustrating conditions arise. The Paradigm Shift A paradigm is also subject to change and when this happens, a paradigm shift takes place. It happens because a person gains better insight and sees the bigger scheme of things. A necessary pre-requisite for a paradigm shift is an open mind and a willingness to understand and explore new things, meanings, and symbols in the light of advancement and changing circumstances. A New Level of Thinking To find creative solutions to problems, one must have a higher level of thinking and acknowledge the fact that fundamental problems cannot be solved at a superficial level or with quick fix solutions. This book espouses a new level of thinking that is principle-centered and character based with an "inside-out" approach to gaining effectiveness at both the personal and interpersonal level. |
The chapters are dedicated to each of the habits, which are represented by the following imperatives:
Conversation Skill A study at the Stanford University School of Business tracked MBAs 10 years after they graduated.
The result? Grade point averages had no bearing on their success -- but their ability to converse with others did.
Being able to connect with others through small talk can lead to big things, according to Debra Fine, author of "The Fine Art of Small Talk."
A former engineer, Fine recalls being so uncomfortable at networking events that she would hide in the restroom. Now a professional speaker, Fine says the ability to connect with people through small talk is an acquired skill.
Fine and her fellow authorities on schmoozing offer the following tips for starting -- and ending -- conversations:
1. As you prepare for a function, come up with three things to talk about as well as four generic questions that will get others talking. If you've met the host before, try to remember things about her, such as her passion for a sport or a charity you're both involved in.
2. Be the first to say "Hello." If you're not sure the other person will remember you, offer your name to ease the pressure. For example, "Charles Bartlett? Lynn Schmidt -- good to see you again." Smile first and always shake hands when you meet someone.
3. Take your time during introductions. Make an extra effort to remember names and use them frequently.
4. Get the other person talking by leading with a common ground statement regarding the event or location and then asking a related open-ended question. For example, "Attendance looks higher than last year, how long have you been coming to these conventions?" You can also ask them about their trip in or how they know the host.
5. Stay focused on your conversational partner by actively listening and giving feedback. Maintain eye contact. Never glance around the room while they are talking to you.
6. Listen more than you talk.
7. Have something interesting to contribute. Keeping abreast of current events and culture will provide you with great conversation builders, leading with "What do you think of ...?" "Have you heard ...?" "What is your take on ...?" Stay away from negative or controversial topics, and refrain from long-winded stories or giving a lot of detail in casual conversation.
8. If there are people you especially want to meet, one of the best ways to approach them is to be introduced by someone they respect. Ask a mutual friend to do the honors.
9. If someone hands you a business card, accept it as a gift. Hold it in both hands and take a moment to read what is written on it. When you're done, put it away in a shirt pocket, purse or wallet to show it is valued.
10. Watch your body language. People who look ill at ease make others uncomfortable. Act confident and comfortable, even when you're not.
11. Before entering into a conversation that's already in progress, observe and listen. You don't want to squash the dynamics with an unsuited or ill-timed remark.
12. Have a few exit lines ready so that you can both gracefully move on. For example, "I need to check in with a client over there," "I skipped lunch today, so I need to visit the buffet," or you can offer to refresh their drink.
When should you exit a conversation? According to Susan RoAne, author and speaker known as the "Mingling Maven," your objective in all encounters should be to make a good impression and leave people wanting more. To do that, she advises: "Be bright. Be brief. Be gone."
Debra Fine is an author, speaker and founder of The Fine Art of Small Talk, a company focused on teaching professionals conversational skills for use at networking events, conventions and clients. For more information about Debra and her work, visit www.debrafine.com.
Susan RoAne, is the nation's most widely published networking expert. Her books include "How to Work a Room;" "The Secrets of Savvy Networking;" "What Do I Say Next?" and "How to Create Your Own Luck." To learn more about the art of Susan and get more pointers on schmoozing, go to www.susanroane.com.
Book Summary: The Four Agreements
Special Offer: Get a one-page PDF document of The Four Agreements by sending an email to 4agreements04@touchpointcoaching.com
THE FOUR
AGREEMENTS,
by Don Miguel Ruiz.
(Amber-Allen Publishing, $12.95 USD.)
A code of conduct based on personal freedom.
Everything around you is a dream. Your
life is a dream, only you find yourself awake. There are many dreams. The dream
of the individuals come together to form the dream of the community, which come
together to form the dream of the nation and the dream of the planet. The
dreams include all of the knowledge about how to live in society, laws,
language, social customs and so forth. Children are taught the dream of the
society by their parents and teachers. I call this the domestication of humans.
Children don't have a choice in what they believe; they agree with whatever
they are told by adults. These agreements become beliefs. As children we are
domesticated in the same way as a pet. When you are good you receive praise and
when you are bad you are punished. We learn to try to please others so they
like and reward us.
After many years we don't need our parents to keep domesticating us, we can do
it for ourselves and also learn to domesticate others. Our beliefs become so
strong that I call them the 'Book of Law' because whatever is in the Book of
Law we take to be the absolute truth. Whenever we go against the Book of Law we
feel fear because we are breaking our own rules.
We all have a Judge who resides in our minds and determines whether we are
following the Book of Law and passes judgement on us (and everything around
us). We have a Victim who receives all the guilt and blame we manufacture for
ourselves.
The problem with humans is that whenever we make a mistake we pay for many
thousands of times. We are the only animal to do this. Most animals pay for
their mistake only once, while we keep reliving ours in our minds over and over
again. We also make others such (our spouse, kids, parents, etc) pay for their
mistakes continually as well.
While the dream of the planet varies from country to country, for the most part
it consists of fear and suffering. We don't see beauty any longer because our
minds are so fogged up with false beliefs.
We have agreements that make us suffer but we also have the power to create new
dreams. Every time we break and old agreement that no longer serves us we
become stronger.
There are 4 agreements:
The first agreement: BE IMPECABLE
WITH YOUR WORD.
You word is the most powerful thing you have. The word is what you use to
communicate, think, create and dream. The word can change the lives of
countries and of people. Hitler used the word to convince people to commit
atrocious acts. The human mind is like a fertile garden; whatever seeds you
plant in it will grow. If you plant seeds of fear and destruction, that is what
will grow. If you plant seeds of beauty and harmony they will come into your
life.
During our domestication, when we were children, the word was very strong. If
someone said to you that you were ugly, then you would think that you were
ugly.
The original translation of the word impeccable is 'without sin'. When you sin,
you do something that goes against yourself of against what you believe in.
When you do this you are rejecting yourself. Therefore being impeccable with
your word means not using your word to go against yourself.
If I call you names I am using my word against myself because you will hate me
because of it. Spreading poison in the form of hate, blame and jealousy etc, is
one way we misuse our word and create our own living hell.
Many times we unintentionally spread poison to our children. We might tell them
that they have an ugly voice to keep them quiet while we work, but they grow up
believing that they can't sing.
Gossiping is another way we spread poison. Because gossiping is so ingrained in
our society it's very much like spreading and infectious virus. Everyone who
comes into contact with the gossip becomes infected with it and damaged by it.
Agreement two: DON'T TAKE ANYTHING
PERSONALLY.
Don't take anything personally. Whatever anyone says about you, it's not about
you -- it's about them. When you take something personally it means that you
are agreeing with what they are saying. If someone calls you stupid, then the
minute you start to take it personally (agree with them) then their poison
starts to get to you.
People tend to take things personally because they believe that they are the
most important thing around. They are filled with their own sense of
self-importance. Everything is about them.
What someone else says about you has more to do with what is in their own mind,
and their own beliefs then it has about you. We therefore have to make certain
that we don't swallow other peoples poison or garbage.
What you think about me is not important. If you think I am great or if you
tell me that I am rotten, I won't take it personally. I know who I am better
then you do. By telling me these things you are reflecting yourself, not me. If
you tell me that I make you mad, or am hurting you even then it is more about
you then it is about me. Maybe something I have said has touched a raw spot in
you -- but you are dealing with yourself, not with me.
Even what you think about yourself you should not take personally. It may not
be true. Your mind has many different voices. Some parts of the mind listen
while the others speak. Sometimes there are thousands of parts of your mind
speaking and listening at the same time, each with their own unique
personality. Maybe the agreements you have made are not compatible with all
parts of the mind, so a big war breaks out.
No matter what someone else does don't take it personally, even if they lie,
cheat or steal from you. The only reason why they would do these things is
because they are afraid. Once you learn how to master this agreement you will
see that you can live in paradise while being confined to the middle of hell.
Agreement 3. DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
In life we make a lot of assumptions, and worse, we believe them. Making
assumptions can cause a lot of problems especially when we act on them. We
might, for example, make some assumptions about what others think about us and
react badly or in a negative way towards them.
We make assumptions because we need explanations (to our questions) so we can
order the chaos of our minds. But rather than finding out the reality of the
situation, we try to avoid looking ignorant by making up our own answers.
Answers make us feel secure whether they are right or not, and we believe them
because we like to believe that what we think is true.
How many times do we make assumptions about what our partners are thinking? We
think that we don't need to say what we want or mean, because we assume our
partner can read our minds.
The main assumptions we make are that people relate to the world in the same
way that we do. We make assumptions about our own abilities: 'I can't do it, it
won't turn out'. And we also make assumptions that we can change our partners
into different people.
Whenever we make these and other assumptions we are just setting ourselves up
for conflict. When you stop making assumptions everything changes, your
communications and relationships all improve for the better.
The best way to stop making assumptions is to ask a lot of questions and to
directly ask for what you want.
The fourth agreement: ALWAYS DO YOUR
BEST.
You should always do your best, no matter what. Sometimes your best will be
better then at other times. Sometimes you'll feel more capable and able and
other times you will feel less, but no matter what you should still do your
best. Not better and not less.
If you try to do more than your best you will end up wasting a lot of energy.
If you do less your quality of life will decline. When you do your best all the
time you'll gradually grow.
There was once a man who wanted to attain enlightenment. He asked the master
how long it would be to enlightenment if he mediated 4 hours a day. He master
said that it would take 10 years. He then asked the master how long it would
take to obtain enlightenment if he mediated 8 hours a day. The master said it
might take 20 years. When the man inquired as to why it would take longer to
obtain enlightenment if he mediated more the master replied: 'You are not here
to sacrifice your life. If you can do your best in 2 hours and you spend 8
hours meditating you will grow tired and miss the point'.
When you do your best you do things because you want to do them and not because
you have to. If you only work because you want a paycheck then everything
becomes more difficult. Work becomes frustrating and a struggle. If you do
something because you want to, rather then expecting a return at the end, then
you will enjoy what you are doing and will get more out of life.
If you are enjoying what you are doing then it doesn't feel like work to do
your best. Whereas if you are doing something only because you have to then it
is very difficult to do your best at it.
The other 3 agreements will only work if you do your best at them. The more you
do your best, the better you become. Sometimes you might break your word or
take something personally, but don't judge yourself, just agree to keep doing
your best.
HE TOLTEC PATH TO FREEDOM
All around the world people are looking for and talking about freedom, but what
is it? We tell ourselves that many things (money, responsibilities etc) stop us
from being free -- but the truth is that we only have ourselves to blame.
Young toddlers are free because they just do what they want -- they are wild,
playing having fun, and living in the present moment.
Adults are no longer free because of all the beliefs they have been programmed
with. Sometimes we start to have some fun, but very quickly remind ourselves
about all of our responsibilities'. You need to realize that you are not free
but a slave to the judge and the victim. Once you realize this you can rebel
against it. You can go into your personal dream and start changing your
agreements.
In Toltec wisdom we call the Judge, Victim and the Book of Law a parasite of
the mind because they live off of our fears and negative thoughts and suck energy
and life out of people. As we rebel against the parasite we become warriors.
There are 3 ways to do battle with the parasite:
First Path
THE DREAM OF THE SECOND ATTENTION
The first way to battle with the parasite is to face each of our fears one by one.
The parasite is like a thousand-head monster with each head representing a fear
or negative belief. You need to kill the monster to get rid of the parasite.
By reviewing and reevaluating all of your beliefs you can consciously choose
what you want to believe. Unlike when you were a child and learning your
beliefs this time we have control over what you believe.
The first step is to take a stock take of all off your fears, negative and
limiting beliefs. I call this examination 'going into the desert' because it is
where we face our personal demons.
Every time you break an agreement that then gives you more energy and personal
power to break more. It's usually easier to start with the smaller agreements
and as you gain more power work your way up to the larger agreements.
Next, you need to replace your old beliefs with new and positive ones of your
choosing. It's a slow process but if you're diligent you will succeed.
The Second Path
CONTROLLING YOUR OWN BEHAVIOUR.
Imagine that you've woken up happy and excited about the day, but just after
breakfast you have a big fight with your spouse. The next thing you know is
that you feel tired and drained, maybe even for the rest of the day.
We all have a certain amount of energy but it gets used up pretty quickly if we
allow our emotions to run us around. Then we'll end up with no energy to live
or change our life.
It's easy to see the world through the emotion you happen to be feeling. If you
are feeling, sad, or angry there is a good chance that the world will seem that
way to you.
Everyone has emotional wounds that hurt when others touch on them. Each wound
is infected with emotional poison (such as hate, jealousy etc) which spreads
when touched. Because everyone has these same wounds we think they are normal
but they are not.
We heal the wounds by forgiveness of ourselves, our parents, family, friends
and everyone who has wronged us. When you have forgiven you'll no longer have
any emotional reaction to that person. It's then that your wounds will heal and
you will stop spreading emotional poison. By doing this we stop feeding the
parasite and the emotions that feed it.
Third Path
EMBRACING THE ANGEL OF DEATH.
The 3rd path to personal freedom is to learn from death. If we were told that
we only had a short time to live then we could either become miserable and a
victim, - or enjoy every moment for the rest of our life to the fullest. The
only thing is that we don't need to wait until we are about to die in order to
realize that life is precious. We can live every day as it is our last. I make
sure that the people I love know and feel that love because I may not have a
chance to tell them tomorrow.
HEAVEN ON EARTH
You are creating your own dream. You have the ability to see life and love in
everything, to create a state of bliss and harmony.
Life Is a Series of Presentations
8 Ways to Punch Up Your People Skills
At Work, at Home, Anytime, Anywhere
by Tony Jeary with Kim Dower and J.E. Fishman
The Nature of Presentation
Every human interaction is a presentation. Each time you talk to someone, you’re
presenting yourself, pushing your image, trying to make that person see you in a certain
way, trying to persuade that person to see things the way you want them seen. Clearly,
mastering the art of presentation is indispensable, especially for people in positions of
leadership who must persuade and direct people. As you conquer presentation skills, you
will learn how to instill in people the desire to go where you direct them. There is truth in
the old saw, “It’s not what you say but the way you say it.” The way you present something
can have enormous consequences. Just regard presentation as an ability you can learn.
During his famous debate with the first President George Bush, then candidate Bill
Clinton connected with his audience. Bush kept looking at his watch. Who won? Bush
lost and poor presentation was one reason. Throughout his presidency, Clinton presented
so well that even in troubled times, he enjoyed tremendous personal appeal.
Presentations have several purposes:
• To influence — You might be trying to influence the CEO to promote you, or your
subordinates to pitch in with extra effort on a new project, or your children to tidy up
their rooms. Persuasive presentation is the key to exercising influence.
• To inspire — Think of a great preacher or a football coach at halftime.
• To inform — Some informational presentations are boring, but some have moved
people to devote themselves to a cause or belief.
Great presenters, no matter what their purpose, have a few things in common:
• They are careful about appearance.
• They prepare assiduously.
• They understand that inspiration might be nice, but skill and hard work carry the day.
• They study the audience to understand how its members want to be addressed.
• They really, really seem to care.
“Every time you touch a life you are making a presentation.”
“The single most powerful thing you can do to convince your audience of
something is to provide a compelling reason why they should do what you suggest (or believe what
you say).”
Persuasion
Research into the psychology of compliance suggests that animals have hardwired patterns
that cause them to respond the same way to the same stimuli repeatedly. People may be like
that, too. Researcher Robert Cialdini identified six categories of persuasive techniques:
1. Persuasion based on reciprocity — Think of the charities that send you a cheap gift in
the mail, such as a calendar or address stickers. Some even send a penny. They know
that many people will feel that once they receive a gift, they “owe” a donation.
2. Persuasion based on consistency and commitment — People like steady, reliable
behavior and dislike the opposite.
3. Persuasion based on social proof — When in doubt, people tend to follow the crowd.
Good marketers know this and will sometimes offer an extraordinarily good deal to a
company or two just to be able to cite them as satisfi ed users of a program or product.
4. Persuasion based on affection — People like people who are attractive, seem to like
them and seem to resemble them. They are more apt to respond to people they like.
5. Persuasion based on authority — Audiences tend to respond to people in authority.
Great con men understand this, and arrogate the attributes and insignia of authority,
including clothes, trappings and titles. Persuasion by authority is also the reason why
sports stars and other celebrities get multimillion-dollar endorsement contracts.
6. Persuasion based on scarcity — People fear a loss more than they want a gain. That’s
why sales are always “for a limited time only.”
The Realm of the Senses
Use all of your senses — sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch — to understand the world
around you and to communicate with others. Use full “sensory acuity” to put your five
senses on heightened alert as the channels through which information about the world
comes to you, and through which you communicate.
Communication is not merely a matter of choosing the right vocabulary. Words may
elicit a variety of responses from people depending on their experiences. The idea of a
swimming pool elicits one response from someone who won trophies for swimming the
butterfly and another from someone with a pathological fear of water. Prejudices and
preferences affect how people listen. This diversity is a force you need to confront.
Avoid generalizations, especially about political or social controversies. Avoid historical
references that may be emotionally explosive for members of certain groups. Be sensitive
to how your audience is reacting. Listen and watch. Are they leaning forward, sitting on
the edges of their seats, or are they shuffling papers, whispering and turning around to
talk with the people behind them? Presentation is not a one-way communication; sense
what the audience is demanding of you and deliver it.
Competence and Security
Presentation, like any other skill-based activity, calls upon four levels of competence:
1. We don’t even know that we don’t know — Think of an infant who doesn’t even
know what shoelaces are for, much less how to tie them.
2. We know what we don’t know — Think of a toddler who knows shoes need to be tied
but doesn’t know how.
3. We know that we know — Think of a fi ve-year-old paying careful, conscious attention to every loop and tug as he ties his shoes.
4. We don’t even think of what we know — Did you tie your shoes this morning?
As you set out to master the art of presentation, your goal is the last level, “unconscious
competence.” Even with this goal in mind, those who are inhibited about speaking suffer
when they must make presentations. Even when they know what they have to say and
how to say it, they remain self-conscious. Some common inhibitions are:
• A great desire to please — People who are too eager to please their audience may
speak very fast, deprecate themselves and generally make the audience uncomfortable, the same way a too-attentive waiter makes a diner uncomfortable. Leverage this
inhibition into a strength by resolving in advance that your goal is to make sure the
audience enjoys the presentation.
• Feeling like an imposter — Successful people with this well-studied syndrome feel
that they really don’t deserve their success. They are sure people will see through them.
To deal with this inhibition, write your resume as if you are applying for the job of
giving this presentation. Record your strengths, consider them carefully and go for it.
• Shooting for perfection — Perfectionists fuss over every detail and never really believe
they’ve done enough. They end up delivering a disorganized mess because every time
they start on one train of thought, they shift to another. They try to include far too
much information. In an effort to do everything, they accomplish nothing. Convert
this weakness into an advantage by blocking out plenty of time to prepare. If you are a
perfectionist, that could be a lot of time, but take however much you need. Review and
revise until you’ve done well even by your demanding standards. Then deliver.
“I’ve worked the eight essentials
into a mnemonic: I P-R-E-S-E-N-T.”
“I is for Involve your audience.”
“P is for Prepare your audience.”
“R is for Research your presentation arsenal.”
“E is for Explain why’ before planning ‘how’.”
“S is for State management: achieve the proper mental states.”
“E is for Eliminate ‘unknowns’ by turning them into ‘knowns.’
“N is for kNow your audience.”
“T is for tailor your presentation throughout to keep your audience focused.”Life Is a Series of Presentations
The Eight Essentials
Developing excellent presentation skills requires having these eight essentials in place:
1. Know to whom you are speaking — Know the audience and understand what will
evoke a positive response and what will turn people off. Watch the audience carefully, paying particular attention to the personality or personalities driving the audience. Learn as much as possible about the audience prior to the presentation.
2. Always ask “Why?” — Know the purpose of the presentation or the meeting. Know
what you need and why. Ask why your audience is there and answer your own
question. The word “because” is a powerful persuader. Use it early and often in
your presentation. You may need to convince several individuals, including powerful
decision-makers — but you can only convince them individually. That means your
presentation, even to a group, must answer each person’s “Why?” with a “Because.”
3. Fear not — Being a bit anxious and uncertain before a presentation is natural, but
you simply have to get beyond that. Careful preparation and forethought can help put
your fears to rest. Use a chart, or power map, to identify every person in the meeting
and to gauge each person’s political power in the group. Assess the leaders’ degree of
commitment or antagonism to your proposal. Determine whether you can take any
action to build support or reduce antagonism. Leave nothing to chance.
4. Do your homework — Build an arsenal of anecdotes, quotations and data points.
Have them all in writing and put some on slides. Organize them carefully. Your
homework should also include preparation of the props and implements of presentation — the tools and hardware you may need. Your homework should even include
the shirt on your back and the jacket over the shirt.
5. Lead the audience gently — Don’t jump from point to point and force the audience
to keep up or drop out. They’ll drop out. Build connections between your points to
ease the transition. Take the audience along on a gentle and interesting ride. Remember that the audience will have an internal dynamic of its own, and that there will
be competition for attention from members of the audience itself. Various political
dynamics may be at work and your presentation could wind up in play. Control the
audience by engaging it.
6. Calm down so you can calm them down — Stress is destructive. If you are stressed,
you won’t be at your best. Interestingly, you can affect how you feel by how you comport yourself. Walk confi dently even if you aren’t sure of yourself, because carrying
yourself with poise and pride will make you feel more self-assured. Use music, food
and attire, whatever helps you feel calm and strong. Use the same tools to help set a
mood during your presentation. Certain music, for example, can make your message
more memorable and can make the audience more inclined to assent.
7. Give them room — Pause frequently in your presentation to give the audience time
and space to absorb what you are saying. Involve them. Invite them to respond to
questions, to cheer and laugh. Break the flow of your words and images so your presentation does not become monotonous and overbearing. Plant a shill — someone
in the audience who will endorse what you are saying. Play games. Take a break.
Tell the audience to assemble in small groups. Give them a handout. Anything that
breaks the steady flow of words will give them the room they need to take a breath
and agree with you.
8. Be flexible — You may have carefully prepared a presentation that for some reason just
won’t work. Maybe the audience is smaller or larger than anticipated. Maybe the air
conditioning has failed or a construction crew is making noise. Be ready to be flexible.
“Most audiences spend the first three minutes of the presentation sizing up the presenter.”
“You must be mentally present to make a successful presentation.”
“Our focus must always be on the audience, not ever only on our agenda.”
“What distinguishes winners is the will to prepare to win
How Persuasive Are Your Presentations?
To make sure that your presentations do their job, develop habits based on the eight
essentials. Use your presentation skills consciously with large and small audiences,
including preparing your listeners, setting a future focus, covering the ‘whys’ of the
situation, placing your message in context and putting persuasive techniques to work.
Sincerely appraise where you are now in comparison to where you want to be. For
real-world feedback, ask your audience to complete an evaluation questionnaire. Their
evaluations can help you build your skills and your message. With some audiences,
simply talk to people or have them respond to you online. Your presentation universe
includes the spheres where you want to have an impact, from family to work to
volunteer organizations. In each setting, assess your total presentation and stay focused
on continual improvement.
“When we understand what makes people receptive to an influence, we are in a position to be a motivating force in their lives — even if it’s only for a moment.”
1.) Ask yourself, "What's the worst that could happen?" Too often,
we place excess importance on potential problems. We all have a certain amount
of energy so let's apply it to creating extraordinary relationships, advancing
our careers and meeting our goals INSTEAD of wasting that energy worrying. Take
action on what you have control over and minimize risks for what you don't.
Then invest your energy wisely.
2.) In doing something for the first time, imagine that you have already done
it in the past. Close your eyes, then vividly imagine you succeeding wildly at
what you are really going to do for the first time. The mind does NOT know the
difference between something VIVIDLY imagined and something real. Make it vivid
by involving all 5 senses.
3.) Find someone who is already confident in that area and copy them. Model as
many of their behaviors, attitudes, values, and beliefs for the context you
want to be confident in as you can. How can you do this? Talk with them if you
have access to them. If you don't have access to them, get as much exposure to
them as you can. This could be talking to people who know the person and/or
buying their products if they have some.
4.) Use the "as-if" frame. I literally love this frame of mind. If
you were confident, how would you be acting? How would you be moving? How would
you be speaking? What would you be thinking? What would you tell yourself
inside? By asking yourself these questions, you are literally forced to answer
them by going into a confident state. You will then be acting "as-if"
you are confident. Now just forget you are acting long enough and pretty soon
you'll develop it into a habit.
5.) Go into the future and ask if what you're faced with is such a big deal.
This might be a bit morbid and yet this works tremendously well. Imagine
yourself on your deathbed looking back over your life. You are surrounded by
your friends and family. You're reviewing your life. Is what you're faced with
now even going to pop up? That's highly unlikely. Keeping things in proper
perspective really diminishes fear.
6.) Remember that you lose out on 100% of the opportunities that you never go
for. To get what you want, ask for it. I fully believe that if I ask enough
people for whatever I want, I can get it. This is not necessarily true and yet
it's a useful belief. As you think about your goals and what you are striving
for, how effective would it be for you to believe that all the people out there
want to help you if you only ask? Whether that is true or not in the "real
world" does not matter. If you find that belief empowering, I invite you
to adopt it as your own.
7.) Disarm the nagging, negative internal voice. That negative internal voice
can keep anyone stopped. To disarm the internal voice, imagine a volume control
and lower the volume. Or how about changing the internal voice to Mickey Mouse?
Do you think you could take Mickey Mouse seriously if he were criticizing you?
Change the voice to a clown voice. The point is to disarm the voice by altering
the way it nags at you. If I hear my own voice nagging me, it stops me. If I
hear a clown voice, I laugh and continue onward.
-------------------------------------
This article is based on the book, "Unstoppable Confidence" by Kent
Sayre and printed here by permission of the author. To find out why Brian Tracy
said, "This wonderful book will give you the boost toward success that can
make all the difference!" you can visit www.unstoppable-confidence.com
and check out their 100% Lifetime Guarantee.
You won't find this in the book's
summary, but "The Road Less Travelled" mostly talks about two
things-a)Psychotherapy and b)Parenting.
a)Psychotherapy
Since the author happens to be a psychotherapist, the entire book revolves
around psychotherapy and provides detailed information of what it is all
about...There are many case-studies too. It also talks about disorders-psychoses,
character disorder(these people blame the world for everything..everyone except
themselves) and neurosis (they feel they are responsible for everything that
goes wrong). By the end of the book, you would have acquired a great deal of
knowledge of psychotherapy. So, if anyone is thinking about making it their
career, then this would be a good book to check out.
b)Parenting
Often in the dramatic Bollywood movies, we come across this line (usually
delivered by a distraught mother because her son/daughter has turned out into a
don/goon/thief/spoilt brat)-"Shayad Mere hi parverish meh koi kami reh
gayi thi!(Guess, something was wrong with my parenting)". I have always
considered that to be an extremely idiotic line. If the son/daughter ends up
into a loser, then how can it be the mother's fault?! Scott Peck would agree
with the dialogue. If our parents treat us with love and discipline in
childhood, then we end up into mature, secure, ambitious, loving people and if
not, then we end up in the psycho-ward (more or less). One gets a clear idea of
how important proper parenting is...it determines how mentally healthy a person
will end up being and consequently, how successful and happy he/she will be.
So, all the would-be parents should read it to know the magnitude of
responsibility that they bear towards their children's future!
The book is divided into 4 parts-Discipline, Love, Religion and Grace.
Discipline-The book begins by describing how difficult life is.. Every step of
the way, you have to make a lot of effort. You would lead a disciplined
existence if you value yourself...because then you would value your time. How
to obtain this discipline? Simple (not really)-
1)Delay Gratification (Suffer now, enjoy later. Stop procrastination.).
2) Accept your Responsibilities (Here, he talks about people suffering from neurosis and character disorder...when one ends up blaming the world for their problems, then they are basically refusing to assume responsibility for their own problems...so, they are trying to "escape" from their freedom.).
3) Dedication to Truth (accept the world as it is. Don't escape from it or idealise it or have an outdated map of reality. It's easy to hold onto what's old and familiar, however as we grow, the world around us changes, so there are many things that we have to let go and many things that we need to let in, in its place. That's one form of dedication to the truth. Another one is to be open and honest).
4) Balancing-This was one of the most interesting sections, He talks about something that I had myself realised from observation. It is essential to follow a process of bracketing. When we encounter new things/people, we need to set aside our pre-conceived notions, past experiences, expectations, etc, if we are to spiritually grow and develop and really accept things as they are.
Love-Apparently, "falling in love", "romantic love",
"the love feeling" are not genuine definitions of love...infact, they
aren't love at all! The main reason is that it involves the
temporary collapse of ego-boundaries as opposed to extension of the
self, which happens in genuine love. True love begins when we fall out of
"love". It is an act of will, we need to make an effort...the primary
purpose should be the spiritual growth of the self and the one we love...so, we
must encourage the other person's individuality (so, love is separateness.).
Genuine love means to take the risk of independence (we should be very much
capable of living without the person but choose and desire to live with
him/her...the can't-live-without-you-kind-of-love is actually not genuine love
but just a mental illness called dependency)...risk of loss ( I was extremely
happy to find out that my post/note on love, " Why
we should fall in love.", was
bang-on! I really know a thing or two about love. :)) and the risk of criticism
(to criticise is to assume an authority and moral or intellectual superiority
over the person we criticise..we should only do so after proper self-evaluation
of what motivates us to do so...are we doing it to help the
person spiritually evolve or do we have a selfish personal agenda
behind doing it?)...
In Religion and Grace, he makes a complete exit from the rational and practical
stuffs that he had written about so far. He talks about the unconcious mind-how
it guides us into a spiritually developed individual, if only we learn to open
up and listen to its wisdom, the synchronicity of the world-Serendipity, how
laziness is the actual sin-the force of entropy that makes us want to not grow
up and it is against this force that we need to work, to grow spiritually, how
God resides in us-the unconscious is God, consisting of a "collective
conscious"...and God apparently wants us to become Him. It was quite
interesting and enlightening. You need to have a real desire and passion for
the unknown/spiritualism/psychotherapy/parenting to be able to appreciate the
wisdom that this book offers.
Chapter 1: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
Chapter 2: The Big Secret of Dealing with People
Chapter 3: He Who Can do this Holds the Whole World with Him. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way
Chapter 1: Do This and You’ll be Welcome Anywhere
· You can make more friends in 2 months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years trying to get people interested in you.
· We like people whom admire us.
· “We are interested in others when they are interested in us” – Publilius Syrus
· Greet people with animation and enthusiasm.
· Say Hello to people in a way that shows you are pleased to talk with them.
Principle 1: Become genuinely interested in other people
Chapter 2: A Simple Way to Make a Good Impression
Principle 2: Smile
Chapter 3: If You Don’t Do This, You are Headed for Trouble
Principle 3: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Chapter 4: An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist
· If you want to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that people will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.
Principle 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Chapter 5: How to Interest People
· The royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about things he or she treasures most.
· Try and focus on what that person is interested in and talk about it. Franklin Roosevelt, before having a visitor in his office, used to study topics he knew his guest would be interested in discussing before they came over.
Principle 5: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
Chapter 6: How to Make People Like You Instantly
· Always make the other person feel important
· “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you”. If you want to be appreciated, feel important, worthwhile, give that feeling to others first.
Principle 6: Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely
Chapter 1: You Can’t Win an Argument
Principle 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Chapter 2: A Sure Way of Making Enemies — And How to Avoid It
Principle 2: Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say “you’re wrong”.
Chapter 3: If You’re Wrong, Admit It
Principle 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Chapter 4: A Drop of Honey
Principle 4: Begin in a friendly way.
Chapter 5: The Secret of Socrates
Principle 5: Get the other person saying “Yes, Yes” immediately.
Chapter 6: The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints
Principle 6: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
Chapter 7: How to Get Cooperation
Principle 7: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
Chapter 8: A Formula that Will Work Wonders for You
Principle 8: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
Chapter 9: What Everybody Wants
Principle 9: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
Chapter 10: An Appeal that Everybody Likes
Chapter 11: The Movies Do it. TV Does it. Why Don’t You Do it?
· Dramatization: The truth has to be vivid, interesting, dramatic… you have to use showmanship. Do this if you want attention.
· This does not mean lying, but saying something that dramatizes the importance of something that you’re talking about or trying to convey.
Principle 11: Dramatize your ideas
Chapter 12: When Nothing Else Works, Try This
· Stimulate competition, not in a sordid money-getting, but in the desire to excel.
· People love the chance to express themselves, their worth, and to show their importance.
·
Examples of things to say to
stimulate completion:
“I didn’t realize you were lazy/a coward/quitter/etc…”
“You’re right. You probably shouldn’t take that class. Only smart people can
pass that class”
Principle 12: Throw down a challenge
Chapter 1: If You Must Find Fault, This is the Way to Begin
· It is always more comfortable to hear something unpleasant about ourselves after we have heard some praise about one of our good points.
· A barber always lathers a man before he shaves him
· Imagine a dentist about to perform drilling. Yes, the patient is about to get drilled, but the dentist gives him Novacain to dull the pain.
Principle 1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation
Chapter 2: How to Criticize — and Not Be Hated for It
Principle 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
Chapter 3: Talk About Your Own Mistakes First
Principle 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
Chapter 4: No One Likes to Take Orders
Principle 4: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
Chapter 5: Let the Other Person Save Face
· “I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery
· Don’t belittle a person basically
Principle 5: Let the other person save face
Chapter 6: How to Spur People to Success
Principle 6: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
Chapter 7: Give a Dog a Good Name
Principle 7: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Chapter 8: Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct
· Praise someone’s good points and minimize the person’s faults. You could say something like “All it would take is a little _________ and you could be great!”
· Let the other person know you have faith in them to get over that obstacle.
Principle 8: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Chapter 9: Making People Glad to Do What You Want
It is important to remember that men and women have reciprocally different natures. Men and women need to appreciate these differences, and cease expecting each other to act and feel the way they do.
Chapter 2: Mr Fix-It and the Home Improvement Committee
Men love to have their abilities recognised and appreciated, and hate to have them scorned or ignored; women love to have their feelings recognised and appreciated, and hate to have them scorned or ignored. Men don't rate feelings highly as in their view they can result in hotly impassioned, wildly unstable behaviour; women don't rate abilities highly as in their view they can result in coldly dispassionate, aggressively competitive behaviour.
Men like to work on their own, and exercise their abilities by solving problems quickly and singlehandedly; women like to co-operate, and exercise their feelings through interactive communication with one another. Men value solutions, and view unsolicited assistance as undermining their effort to solve problems alone; women value assistance, and view unsolicited solutions as undermining their effort to proceed interactively. Men desire that their solutions will be appreciated; women desire that their assistance will be appreciated.
Chapter 3: Men Go to Their Caves and Women Talk
When faced with tough problems, men become non-communicative so they can work out how best to help themselves, while women become communicative so that others can work out how best to help them. Men like to demonstrate their abilities by being allowed to solve problems without interference; women like to demonstrate their feelings by being allowed to relate problems without interference.
When men do communicate, they like to get to the point, and generally only want to listen if they feel the conversation has a point; women enjoy talking for its own sake, and are happy to listen unconditionally.
Chapter 4: How to Motivate the Opposite Sex
A man's instinct is to look after himself, even if it means sacrificing others; a woman's instinct is to look after others, even if it means sacrificing herself. In a relationship, a man has to learn how to care for his partner rather than sacrificing her needs in favour of his own, and a woman has to learn how to be cared for by her partner rather than sacrificing her own needs in favour of his, so that the needs of both are met. If they do this successfully, both win, unlike their instinctive behaviours where one person gains from another’s loss. This has to be worked at, because if either partner feels their efforts towards the relationship are not being successful in pleasing their partner, they may feel hurt and decide to revert to their instinctive behaviour. Unfortunately this then causes the other partner to do the same, and the relationship unravels inexorably.
In a relationship, a man needs to feel that his attentions are needed, and a woman needs to feel that her needs are attended. To achieve this, a man has to express his desire to fulfil her needs and her worthiness to receive his care, and a woman has to express her desire for his care and his worthiness to fulfil her needs. Both must remember to appreciate, accept, and forgive the other, and avoid blaming them when they fail.
Chapter 5: Speaking Different Languages
Men talk in very literal terms for the purpose of relaying information; women employ artistic licence and dramatic vocabulary to fully express and relate their feelings.
Men like to sort their thoughts out before communicating them, and have the tendency to become distant and non-communicative as they ponder their concerns. At this time, a woman needs reassurance that her partner still rates her as worthy of being taken care of. Women like to sort their thoughts out in the process of communicating them, and have the tendency to pour forth a litany of general grievances as they relate their concerns. At this time, a man needs reassurance that his partner still rates him as worthy of taking care of things. Both must try to avoid feeling personally to blame when their partners are dealing with problems.
When a man is troubled, he does not want his partner to express concern for him, but loves to be told that the problem is easily within his abilities to rectify because of the implicit vote of confidence in his abilities. When a woman is troubled, she loves her partner to express concern for her, but does not want to be told that the problem is a simple one to solve because of the implicit dismissal of her concerns about the issue. A solution should be sought once her feelings have been fully listened to: too quick a solution justifies his abilities but devalues her concerns, too enduring a problem justifies her concerns but devalues his abilities.
Men feel validated and gratified when they are left to sort things out by themselves, and feel undermined by being offered sympathy or unsolicited assistance. Women feel validated and gratified by being offered sympathy or unsolicited assistance, and feel undermined when they are left to sort things out by themselves.
To accommodate their partners' responses, each should make small changes to their behaviours and communication towards the other, but without compromising their own true natures.
Chapter 6: Men Are Like Rubber Bands
Men periodically bolt for cover when they suddenly fear that their self-sufficiency is becoming threatened. At these times they may become utterly unapproachable, demanding the right to be left on their own and to be allowed not to express their feelings, but if given support by being afforded space for a little while, they will soon feel better and spring back into their usual loving selves once again. It can be hard for women to handle the suddenness and speed with which men bolt for cover, and then subsequently spring back.
At times when men retreat into themselves, they can assist their partners not to be overly concerned or take it personally by providing some brief reassurance that they will return in due course. Women should resist the temptation to try to drag their partners back prematurely or criticise them over this natural behaviour.
Chapter 7: Women Are Like Waves
Women periodically sink into a depression when they feel it is time for emotional cleansing and resolution. At these times they may become utterly negative in their outlook, dwelling on every problem which troubles them, including long-standing ones which will generally have been raised and addressed before, and if they cannot find any real issues to concentrate on, then they will find some random other things to worry about.
They suspend their normal giving natures, demanding the right to express their feelings and not to be left on their own, and if supported and allowed enough time to express and release their negative feelings, they will begin to feel happier again and return to their usual loving selves. The slowness in which they sink into depression and subsequently recover may be hard for men to handle.
At times when women sink into themselves, they can assist their partners not to be overly concerned or take it personally by providing some brief reassurance that it is not their partners’ fault. Men should resist the temptation to try to lift their partners back up prematurely or criticise them over this natural behaviour.
Men demand the right to be free from time to time; women demand the right to be heard from time to time. When a man feels free he finds it easier to support a woman’s need to be heard; when a woman feels heard she finds it easier to support a man’s need to be free.
If a man’s periodic need to be free coincides with a woman’s periodic need to be heard, the best solution is for the woman to make do with being heard by her friends instead.
Chapter 8: Discovering Our Different Emotional Needs
Men and women need to remember that the emotional needs of the opposite sex are not the same as their own. Providing our partners with the wrong type of emotional needs will not be greatly appreciated.
Deep inside every man is a knight in shining armour seeking a damsel in distress who will love him, and shower him with trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement. Deep inside every woman is a damsel in distress seeking a knight in shining armour who will love her, and shower her with caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance. Men must listen attentively to women to understand their needs, avoiding getting angry or defensive; women must have faith in men's abilities and best efforts to fulfill their needs, avoiding trying to change or control them.
Chapter 9: How To Avoid Arguments
Communication between relationship partners should be loving and respectful; verbal attacks by contrast are highly destructive. It is often not so much what is said that causes the damage, but the tone of voice and body language which accompanies it.
Arguments thrive on men failing to pay sufficient attention to women’s feelings, and women being critically disapproving of men. Either one may be the initial trigger, because a man’s inattentiveness can cause a woman to get upset and express disapproval, and a woman’s disapproval can cause a man to get defensive and stop listening to how she is feeling.
When men make mistakes they become frustrated and angry, and are best left alone until they calm down. Men consider apologies to be admissions of guilt; women view apologies as expressions of compassion. This difference of perception is why men are generally much less willing to apologise than women.
When engaged in an argument, men use strong and aggressive words to ensure that they win the argument, and women are frequently forced to back down in the face of a totally determined and implacable opponent. Men then feel that they have won the argument, but it is a hollow victory as their partners have not changed their views, but merely buried them in order to avoid an ever-escalating conflict. Sometimes people prefer to evade arguments instead of engaging in them. Men tend to do so by withdrawing inside themselves and refusing to talk; women often just pretend that the disagreement has been forgotten. The resultant peace is a cold one, because the issues continue festering unresolved.
To stop communication degenerating into arguments, men should strive to listen without getting defensive, and women should try to express their feelings without criticising their partners.
Chapter 10: Scoring Points with the Opposite Sex
Men feel loved if their efforts at giving are appreciated; women feel loved according to what they receive. For women, loving someone means knowing and attending to their needs without waiting to be asked, and so a loved person should never have to ask for anything as their needs ought to be anticipated ahead of time. So women give unconditionally, and proactively seek ways to help others, whereas men only give when they feel that their efforts will be fairly appreciated and rewarded, and often will not know how or what to give without being specifically asked. Men often quickly suspend giving when feeling pleased about having done something; women may only suspend giving when feeling displeased with their partners for doing nothing.
Men value results; for women it’s the thought that counts. Consequently, men value big things much more than do women, who feel more appreciated by receiving lots of little gifts instead. A woman may consider a bunch of flowers to be just as good a proof of love as an entire month of hard work towards paying the bills.
If men and women do not take account of these different perspectives, they may fail to give their partners what they actually want. When this occurs, the man will frequently suspend giving as he feels he is not receiving enough reward back for what he has given, but the woman will continue to give unconditionally even though she feels she is giving more and has started to feel unloved, unappreciated and resentful.
Men should try to identify various little ways to give to their partners without waiting to be asked first, and should avoid the mistake of assuming their partners to be happy giving and not asking for anything back. Women should be careful not to give a false impression to their partners of being happy when they are not, and if they begin to feel resentful they should gently reduce their giving, learn to ask for things back, and be sure to keep expressing lots of appreciation of their partners’ efforts so as to encourage them to give more. Men should try to listen lovingly and respectfully to women’s feelings, women should try to express their feelings in a loving and respectful manner. If men give, and women appreciate, both end up feeling happy.
Chapter 11: How to Communicate Difficult Feelings
Unresolved negative feelings can cause us to act in ways we really don’t want to, or become manifest in all kinds of compulsive or addictive behaviours. Avoiding our negative feelings doesn’t make them go away, but compassionately embracing them can heal them and enable us to start loving again. By acting as loving parents to our own inner child, we finally allow our repressed feelings to be fully expressed and released.
To ease the pain and win love, men often obsessively seek success, and women obsessively seek perfection. Men may use anger, ego, or oblivion (such as burying themselves in their work) to avoid vulnerable feelings of pain or fear; women may lapse into depression or confusion to avoid having aggressive feelings of anger.
Constructive communication is a learned skill, and many of us must first unlearn the paradigm of negative communication and repression of feelings which we experienced during childhood. Communication works best if it presents the full picture, so that the root of the problem is revealed rather than just the symptoms.
Writing our feelings down is excellent for expressing our negative emotions (anger, pain, fear, and regret) in a controlled manner, rather than letting them explode at our partners in the heat of the moment. Having done so, we can get back in touch with our loving feelings, and are then in a much better state to explain to our partners what we are feeling, and what they can do to help us feel better. It is important to communicate such feelings in a loving atmosphere because we may need to feel securely loved while communicating such intimate and revealing feelings, and our partners may need the same if some of those feelings will be painful to hear, or could be taken personally. At times it is worth discussing them with friends or counselors first.
Chapter 12: How to Ask for Support and Get It
Men love to do things which are appreciated, and hate to do things which are demanded. Criticising him or giving excessive instructions will make him feel more like a slave than a loved and trusted partner.
Men love to prove their worth through the things they do, but they generally wait to be asked, and take a long time to learn to offer their services unsolicited. Women should therefore control their expectations of men being able to anticipate their needs, ask for help without making it sound like a demand because they resent the need to do so, and appreciate the help they receive even though it needed to be requested first.
Women should avoid requesting help from a man in a way which either doesn’t sound like a clear request, or carries implicit criticism that he should have already done it. Questions which begin with the words ‘Could you’ or ‘Can you’ are often interpreted by men as questioning their abilities, and they therefore respond more positively to the same questions if they begin instead with ‘Would you’ or ‘Will you’. The difference may seem tiny, but it can feel as different as the man saying ‘No I can’t’ or ‘No I won’t’ in response to the request.
It is best to allow a man the freedom to do things in a way and at a time that works for him. If a man is busy doing something and a woman needs his help on something else, she should feel free to ask him for help, but be prepared for him to request to defer it or even to refuse it; if requests always require positive answers, they are really demands, and men will sense the difference. If a man grumbles about a request then he is actually considering it, and the best approach is to simply wait for him to come to a decision without saying anything further, and aim to accept the outcome graciously.
Chapter 13: Keeping the Magic of Love Alive
In relationships, unresolved negative feelings can pop up without warning, and we suddenly become upset, or sensitive, or distant. When this happens to our partners we should encourage them to work through it, accepting that it may take some time and that they may need support from outside as well as from ourselves, and do our best to control any impatience or resentments we may feel towards them during these times.
Love inevitably changes over time: the pristine bliss we feel when we first fall in love doesn’t last forever, and over time our personal faults and negative baggage inevitably become exposed. But if we stick tight through the ups and downs of life and each other, then our initial bliss gradually changes into a mature form of love which can become stronger and fuller with every passing year.
In her TEDTalk (above), social psychologist Amy
Cuddy shares an easy way that anyone can change not only others' perceptions of
them, but the way they feel about themselves -- spending two minutes
"power posing" with their arms or elbows out, their chin lifted and
their posture expansive. Cuddy's research, done in collaboration with Dana
Carney, has shown that adopting the body language associated with dominance for
just 120 seconds is enough to create a 20 percent increase in testosterone and
a 25 percent decrease in the stress hormone cortisol. In other words, adopting
these postures makes a person feel more powerful.
But for those who already
project power and competence to the world through their bodies, there is
another, perhaps harder challenge: communicating warmth.
In October, Cuddy sat down for
a Q&A with
the TED Blog and made a truly fascinating point: that
many leaders focus so much on demonstrating power and competence that they fail
to communicate warmth and trustworthiness. And as Cuddy explains, warmth may
actually be a truer, deeper source of power to begin with.
Says Cuddy, "You must understand the people you're trying to influence or
lead by building trust first before demonstrating competence and power. You
must be able to show them that you understand them -- and, better yet, that you
can relate to them. By doing that, you're laying the groundwork for trust. And
it's only then that they can really hear you and be open to your ideas. Trust
is the conduit for influence; it's the medium through which ideas travel. If
they don't trust you, your ideas are just dead in the water. If they trust you,
they're open and they can hear what you're offering. Having the best idea is
worth nothing if people don't trust you.
Factors For Happiness
In the last few years, psychologists and researchers have been digging up hard data on a question previously left to philosophers: What makes us happy? Researchers like the father-son team Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener, Stanford psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, and ethicist Stephen Post have studied people all over the world to find out how things like money, attitude, culture, memory, health, altruism, and our day-to-day habits affect our well-being. The emerging field of positive psychology is bursting with new findings that suggest your actions can have a significant effect on your happiness and satisfaction with life. Here are 10 scientifically proven strategies for getting happy.
Savor Everyday Moments
Pause now and then to smell a rose or watch children at play. Study participants who took time to “savor” ordinary events that they normally hurried through, or to think back on pleasant moments from their day, “showed significant increases in happiness and reductions in depression,” says psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky.
Avoid Comparisons
While keeping up with the Joneses is part of American culture, comparing ourselves with others can be damaging to happiness and self-esteem. Instead of comparing ourselves to others, focusing on our own personal achievement leads to greater satisfaction, according to Lyubomirsky.
Put Money Low on the List
People who put money high on their priority list are more at risk for depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem, according to researchers Tim Kasser and Richard Ryan. Their findings hold true across nations and cultures. “The more we seek satisfactions in material goods, the less we find them there,” Ryan says. “The satisfaction has a short half-life—it’s very fleeting.” Money-seekers also score lower on tests of vitality and self-actualization.
Have Meaningful Goals
“People who strive for something significant, whether it’s learning a new craft or raising moral children, are far happier than those who don’t have strong dreams or aspirations,” say Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener. “As humans, we actually require a sense of meaning to thrive.” Harvard’s resident happiness professor, Tal Ben-Shahar, agrees, “Happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure and meaning. Whether at work or at home, the goal is to engage in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable.”
Take Initiative at Work
How happy you are at work depends in part on how much initiative you take. Researcher Amy Wrzesniewski says that when we express creativity, help others, suggest improvements, or do additional tasks on the job, we make our work more rewarding and feel more in control.
Make Friends, Treasure Family
Happier people tend to have good families, friends, and supportive relationships, say Diener and Biswas-Diener. But it’s not enough to be the life of the party if you’re surrounded by shallow acquaintances. “We don’t just need relationships, we need close ones” that involve understanding and caring.
Smile Even When You Don’t Feel Like It
It sounds simple, but it works. “Happy people…see possibilities, opportunities, and success. When they think of the future, they are optimistic, and when they review the past, they tend to savor the high points,” say Diener and Biswas-Diener. Even if you weren’t born looking at the glass as half-full, with practice, a positive outlook can become a habit.
Say Thank You Like You Mean It
People who keep gratitude journals on a weekly basis are healthier, more optimistic, and more likely to make progress toward achieving personal goals, according to author Robert Emmons. Research by Martin Seligman, founder of positive psychology, revealed that people who write “gratitude letters” to someone who made a difference in their lives score higher on happiness, and lower on depression—and the effect lasts for weeks.
Get Out and Exercise
A Duke University study shows that exercise may be just as effective as drugs in treating depression, without all the side effects and expense. Other research shows that in addition to health benefits, regular exercise offers a sense of accomplishment and opportunity for social interaction, releases feel-good endorphins, and boosts self-esteem.
“A New Earth; Awakening to Your Life's Purpose” is known as one of the best spiritual books of our time and was on Oprah Winfrey’s book club list. Later, I discovered online classes on Oprah’s website discussing about the book by its author, Ekhart Tolle. You can watch or listen to the videos or mp3s here if interested,http://www.oprah.com/oprahsbookclub/A-New-Earth-Syllabus. The book and the videos both are summarized as follows, hoping that you like it.
The book of “A New Earth; Awakening to Your Life's Purpose” consists of ten chapters. In first chapter, Ekhart Tolle talks about the purpose of the book stating that it can be totally useful or meaningless for whom to read it. It will be useful if at the end, you are peaceful. He mentions," The ideas and concepts presented here [in the book] may be important. But, they are secondary. They are no more than signposts pointing toward awakening. As you read, a shift takes place within you. The book’s main purpose is not to add new information or beliefs in your mind or try to convince you of anything, but to bring about a shift in your consciousness.” However, the book can be meaningless if one is not ready spiritually.
In chapter two, he describes current state of humanity, that is, Ego. Ego has various names such as “self”, “Voice in the head”, “Little me” and thoughts. Ego takes control of the mind whenever it complains, compares, grieves, refuses to accept reality, intents to be right and to make others wrong, takes everything personally and feels superior or inferior. In the video interviews, Mr.Tolle emphasizes that when “The voice in the head” complains; it is not our true self which complains. In fact, we are consciousness behind the voice. So, there are “I” and “self”.
He then refers to his own life story when he recognized this separation between “I” and “self”. He was about to commit a suicide that he whispered to himself,” I am tired of myself.” Who is “self” that he is tired of? Is he two persons in one body? Who is that person? Then, the separation between “I” and “Self” occurs and “Consciousness” comes afterwards and brings extraordinary amount of peace. The day after that awakening is a new day and a new beginning. He enjoys a songful bird in a tree in front of his home that he had never realized its presence before. He was so drowned in his own thoughts that he could never realize the beauty of the sound.
In the Oprah’s interview, Mr.Tolle shows a way to manage the voice in the head stating that whenever it comes, do not pay attention to it. “If you resist ego, it will persist”, he emphasizes. Just let it be there as it is. This way, you are the awareness behind it and as awareness comes in, unawareness goes away.
In chapter three and four, he describes more about ego and gives more examples of its various faces. In chapter five, emotional side of ego is described. Ego has another dimension which is emotion or “Pain body.” Fear, anger, anxiety, jealousy, envy, etc, are different faces of the pain body.
Because the body is intelligent, it reacts to the thoughts and therefore, emotion is a response to the mind. In fact, ego plays a game with us. It starts telling a story which body believes in. Then, body reacts to it. The reaction feeds energy back to the thought making more emotional thinking and emotional story-making. Ego also feeds on the past and future for its existence. To clarify, Ekhart Tolle uses an example of two ducks that fights with each other in a pond of a park where he went to take a rest. After fighting, the two ducks just flapped their wings in order to let the negative energy go. Then, they floated off in the opposite direction and forgot completely about what had happened in the past. What it would be if they had a human mind? “I won’t believe what he just did. He thinks he owns this pond. He has no consideration for my private space. I’ll never trust him again. Next time, he’ll try something else just to annoy me. I’ll teach him a lesson he won’t forget.” (Page 87)
The answer to how we can control the pain body is hidden in chapter six. The most significant thing to do in order to reduce pain body impact on the mind is to realize first we have a pain body, and then, to be present enough to recognize it. By only being present, we can identify pain body. This identification results in separating our true self from pain body and as soon as this separation occurs, pain body is unable to overcome.
But, the most important question is that how we can be present. In the video, Ekhart Tolle describes three ways to live at the present moment. First, just look around without judging. He emphasizes that it is better to look at the nature rather than a manmade object because the manmade object brings more thoughts to the mind. For example, just look at a tree without judging so that you can feel its presence. Look at its leaves, the color of the leaves, how it bends over when the wind blows and so on. Second, in daily activities, focus on what you are doing. If you wash your hands, try to feel the warmth of the water, the sound of the water, how water flows into your hands, how you feel when the warm water touches your skin and so on. Third, concentrate on your breath. Breathe deeply, release it slowly and watch it when you inhale and exhale. These methods help us to divert our thoughts from the mind and to live at the present moment.
In chapter seven, the author brings attention to one of the most important questions of our life; who are you really? Are you your name, your occupation, your personal history, your shape of your body and whatever is identified with ego? Knowing oneself is not concerned with ideas and thoughts in the mind. Instead, it is in “Being.” We are human being rather than human doing. And, only by Being, we can find consciousness which lies within.
Inner space is discussed in chapter eight indicating that this physical body is just an illusion. With the help of science, we are now able to see inside a cell which is made of atoms. And, deep beneath each atom, there is a space. In other words, our body consists of the space beneath the atoms. Thus, we are that space, and because the space cannot be manifested and tangible without the body, we have a body. Therefore, the universe expresses itself through us in order to be manifested, the author states in the video interview with Oprah. Moreover, by isolating the ego and knowing that we are not the ego, we create a space between ego and consciousness. And, this gap creates awakening.
Chapter nine and ten discuss about inner and outer purpose of life emphasizing that inner purpose is primary and outer purpose is secondary. The inner purpose of life is to be awakened which we all share on the planet because it is the purpose of humankind. However, the outer purpose is changeable over time.
Moreover, to be fulfilled, it is necessary to be in alignment with the inner purpose. If not, we will cause suffering for ourselves and others. So, awakening is when outer and inner purpose is aligned with each other, which is possible by “awakening doing.” Awakening doing has three modalities including acceptance, enjoyment and enthusiasm. When these three modalities are not present in what we are doing, we suffer. For example, imagine a bank clerk whose job does not satisfy him. It means that he does not accept his job situation. Therefore, he does not work compassionately; he complains all the time and creates an unpleasant environment for himself, colleagues, clients and his family.
In the end, the book has promising news. By being awakened, we build a new earth. The new earth is not a utopia. The new earth comes when external world is in accordance with the internal world and when we are egoless, in the surrendered state, in oneness with ourselves, others, the whole universe and God. So, this awakened individual can change everything on the earth because outer life is not inseparable of the consciousness within. And, it mentions it is already happening, “A new species is arising on the planet, it is arising now and you are it.”
"The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.”
“Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.”
“Give up defining yourself - to yourself or to others. You won't die. You will come to life. And don't be concerned with how others define you. When they define you, they are limiting themselves, so it's their problem. Whenever you interact with people, don't be there primarily as a function or a role, but as the field of conscious Presence. You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are.”
“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.”
“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.”
“Life is the dancer and you are the dance.”
“You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are.”
“Anything that you resent and strongly react to in another is also in you.”
“You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you, and allowing that goodness to emerge. But it can only emerge if something fundamental changes in your state of consciousness.”
“Living up to an image that you have of yourself or that other people have of you is inauthentic living.”
“Don't let a mad world tell you that success is anything other than a successful present moment.”
“What a liberation to realize that the “voice in my head” is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that.”
“Don't Seek Happiness. If you seek it, you won't find it, because seeking is the antithesis of happiness”
“Awareness is the greatest agent for change.”
“When you don't cover up the world with words and labels, a sense of the miraculous returns to your life that was lost a long time ago when humanity, instead of using thought, became possessed by thought.”
“Can you look without the voice in your head commenting, drawing conclusions, comparing, or trying to figure something out?”
“Man made God in his own image...”
“This is my secret," he said. "I don't mind what happens.”
“Whenever you become anxious or stressed, outer purpose has taken over, and you lost sight of your inner purpose. You have forgotten that your state of consciousness is primary, all else secondary.”
“Become conscious of being conscious.”
“It is when we are trapped in incessant streams of compulsive thinking that the universe really disintegrates for us, and we lose the ability to sense the interconnectedness of all that exists.”
“Words reduce reality to something the human mind can grasp, which isn’t very much.”
“every complaint is a little story the mind makes up that you completely believe in.”
“You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you, and allowing that goodness to emerge.”
“You have so much to learn from your enemies.”
“Defining yourself through thought is limiting yourself.”
“Authentic human interactions become impossible when you lose yourself in a role.”
“Awareness is the power that is concealed within the present moment. … The ultimate purpose of human existence, which is to say, your purpose, is to bring that power into this world.”
“You become most powerful in whatever you do if the action is performed for its own sake rather than as a means to protect, enhance, or conform to your role identity.”
“To recognize one's own insanity is, of course, the arising of sanity, the beginning of healing and transcendence.”
“One thing we do know: Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment.”
“Life isn't as serious as my mind makes it out to be.”
“In the eyes of the ego, self-esteem and humility are contradictory. In truth, they are one and the same.”
“Even a stone, and more easily a flower or a bird, could show you the way back to God, to the Source, to yourself. When you look at it or hold it & let it be without imposing a word of mental label on it, a sense of awe, of wonder, arises within you. Its essence silently communicates itself to you and reflects your own essence back to you.”
“With stillness comes the benediction of Peace.”
“The brain does not create consciousness, but conciousness created the brain, the most complex physical form on earth, for its expression.
“A woman in her thirties came to see me. As she greeted me, I could sense the pain behind her polite and superficial smile. She started telling me her story, and within one second her smile changed into a grimace of pain. Then, she began to sob uncontrollably. She said she felt lonely and unfulfilled.
There was much anger and sadness. As a child she had been abused by a physically violent father. I saw quickly that her pain was not caused by her present life circumstances but by an extraordinarily heavy pain-body. Her pain-body had become the filter through which she viewed her life situation.
She was not yet able to see the link between the emotional pain and her thoughts, being completely identified with both. She could not yet see that she was feeding the pain-body with her thoughts. In other words, she lived with the burden of a deeply unhappy self. At some level, however, she must have realized that her pain originated within herself, that she was a burden to herself. She was ready to awaken, and this is why she had come.
I directed the focus of her attention to what she was feeling inside her body and asked her to sense the emotion directly, instead of through the filter of her unhappy thoughts, her unhappy story. She said she had come expecting me to show her the way out of her unhappiness, not into it.
Reluctantly, however, she did what I asked her to do. Tears were rolling down her face, her whole body was shaking. “At this moment, this is what you feel.” I said. “There is nothing you can do about the fact that at this moment this is what you feel. Now, instead of wanting this moment to be different from the way it is, which adds more pain to the pain that is already there, is it possible for you to completely accept that this is what you feel right now?”
She was quiet for a moment. Suddenly she looked impatient, as if she was about to get up, and said angrily, “No, I don't want to accept this.” “Who is speaking?” I asked her. “You or the unhappiness in you? Can you see that your unhappiness about being unhappy is just another layer of unhappiness?” She became quiet again. “I am not asking you to do anything. All I'm asking is that you find out whether it is possible for you to allow those feelings to be there. In other words, and this may sound strange, if you don't mind being unhappy, what happens to the unhappiness? Don't you want to find out?”
She looked puzzled briefly, and after a minute or so of sitting silently, I suddenly noticed a significant shift in her energy field. She said, “This is weird. I 'm still unhappy, but now there is space around it. It seems to matter less.”
This was the first time I heard somebody put it like that: There is space around my unhappiness. That space, of course, comes when there is inner acceptance of whatever you are experiencing in the present moment.
I didn't say much else, allowing her to be with the experience. Later she came to understand that the moment she stopped identifying with the feeling, the old painful emotion that lived in her, the moment she put her attention on it directly without trying to resist it, it could no longer control her thinking and so become mixed up with a mentally constructed story called “The Unhappy Me.” Another dimension had come into her life that transcended her personal past – the dimension of Presence. Since you cannot be unhappy without an unhappy story, this was the end of her unhappiness. It was also the beginning of the end of her pain-body. Emotion in itself is not unhappiness. Only emotion plus an unhappy story is unhappiness.
When our session came to an end, it was fulfilling to know that I had just witnessed the arising of Presence in another human being. The very reason for our existence in human form is to bring that dimension of consciousness into this world. I had also witnessed a diminishment of the pain-body, not through fighting it but through bringing the light of consciousness to it.”
“You are not IN the universe, you ARE the universe, an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person, but a focal point where the universe is becoming conscious of itself. What an amazing miracle.”
“Each person's life – each lifeform, in fact – represents a world, aunique way in which the universe experiences itself.”
“The past has no power to stop you from being present now. Only your grievance about the past can do that.”
“All true artists, whether they know it or not, create from a place of no-mind, from inner stillness”
“And then there is the universal role of adult. When you play that role, you take yourself and life very seriously. Spontaneity, lightheartedness, and joy are not part of that role.”
“Nothing has ever happened in the past that can prevent you from being present now; and if the past cannot prevent you from being present now, what power does it have?”
“When faced with a radical crisis, when the old way of being in the world, of interacting with each other and with the realm of nature doesn't work anymore, when survival is threatened by seemingly insurmountable problems, an individual life-form -- or a species -- will either die or become extinct or rise above the limitations of its condition through an evolutionary leap.”
“A significant portion of the earth's population will soon recognize, if they haven't already done so, that humanity is now faced with a stark choice: Evolve or die.”
“You may remember the paradox of time we mentioned earlier:
Whatever you do takes time, and yet it is always now. So while your inner purpose is to negate time, your outer purpose necessarily involves future and so could not exist without time. But it is always secondary. Whenever you become anxious or stressed, outer purpose has taken over, and you lost sight of your inner purpose. You have forgotten that your state of consciousness is primary, all else secondary.”
“whatever you fight, you strengthen. What you resist, persists. "A New Earth":War is a mind set”
“Deny thy self!”
“In essence, you are neither inferior nor superior to anyone. True self-esteem and true humility arise out of that realization. In the eyes of the ego, self-esteem and humility are contradictory. In truth, they are one and the same.”
“Nothing ever happened in the past that can prevent you from being present now, and if the past cannot prevent you from being present now, what power does it have?”
“Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them.”
“There is only one perpetrator of evil on the planet: human unconsciousness. That realization is true forgiveness. With forgiveness, your victim identity dissolves, and your true power emerges--the power of Presence. Instead of blaming the darkness, you bring in the light.”
“So love is the recognition of oneness in a world of duality. This is the birth of God into the world of form. Love makes the world less worldly, less dense, more transparent to the divine dimension, the light of consciousness itself.”
“The more shared past there is in a relationship, the more present you need to be...”
“... there are two ways of being unhappy. Not getting what you want is one. Getting what you want is the other.”
“A powerful spiritual practice is consciously to allow the diminishment of ego when it happens without attempting to restore it. I recommend that you experiment with this from time to time. For example, when someone criticizes you, blames you, or calls you names, instead of immediately retaliating or defending yourself – do nothing. Allow the self-image to remain diminished and become alert to what that feels like deep inside you. For a few seconds, it may feel uncomfortable, as if you had shrunk in size. Then you may sense an inner speciousness that feels intensely alive. You haven't been diminished at all. In fact, you have expanded. You may then come to an amazing realization: When you are seemingly diminished in some way and remain in absolute non-reaction, not just externally but also internally, you realize that nothing real has been diminished, that through becoming “less,” you become more. When you no longer defend or attempt to strengthen the form of yourself, you step out of identification with form, with mental self-image. Through becoming less (in the ego’s perception), you in fact undergo an expansion and make room for Being to come forward. True power, who you are beyond form, can then shine through the apparently weakened form. This is what Jesus means when he says, “Deny yourself” or “Turn the other cheek.”
“Ego-identification with things creates attachment to things, which in turn creates our consumer society and economic structures where the only measure of progress is always more. The unchecked striving for more, for endless growth, is a dysfunction and a disease. It is the same dysfunction the cancerous cell manifests, whose only goal is to multiply itself, unaware that it is bringing about its own destruction by destroying the organism of which it is a part. Some economists are so attached to the notion of growth that they can't let go of that word, so they refer to recession as a time of "negative growth".”
“By a monstrous act of reductionism, the infinite depth of who you are is confused with a sound produced by the vocal cords."
What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School
· The main lesson you learn at any business school is an awareness of what it cannot teach you;
· Your greatest learnings in the business world will be obtained right there: in the business world! Only practice is able to teach you what you really need to know about building a company;
· Your relationship with people is as important as your technical knowledge. Both customers and partners, employees and competitors. Be aware of these people;
· The sale process is much broader and involves more details than just marketing. Every customer contact with your product is a kind of negotiation;
· Put the customer at the center of the business, not your product. Understand what he really wants to buy and show that you can offer it to him;
· Staying in the market is as difficult as entering it. Be prepared for the challenges and have the best team with you;
· Never be satisfied with the performance of your business.
Overview: People
Reading People
According to his book, “What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School”, several practical and real examples, the author Mark H. McCormack shows the importance of knowing how to interpret the surrounding people in a complete way. Interpret lines, gestures, postures and ways of expressing yourself.
To summarize his teachings, Mark lists his “Seven Step Plan” to read people. He points out, however, that there is no foolproof rule or perfect step by step, after all, if it existed, it would be a skill that could be taught in Harvard classrooms.
· Step 1 - Listen aggressively: don't just pay attention to what the person is saying, but how they are saying it. Take breaks: silence tends to be uncomfortable and make people talk even more;
· Step 2 - Observe aggressively: observe details, from how the person moves to how they are dressed. You do not need to read a book on body language to notice simple things as if the person seems nervous in your presence;
· Step 3 - Talk less: ask questions and don't answer them. Listen more than you speak and you will learn, see and see more;
· Step 4 - Don't always rely on first impressions: first impressions are often correct, but it is necessary to evaluate them very well before taking them as absolute truths;
· Step 5 - Take time to put into practice what you have learned: before speaking to someone or giving a presentation, take a moment to remember everything you know about them and outline a strategy on how best to achieve What you want;
· Step 6 - Be discreet: this is the most important tip for reading people. Never tell anyone all the insights you had about her. If you do, you will end your chances of using your insights effectively;
· Step 7 - Be impartial: always take a step back and do not react with the same intensity as your interlocutor. So you will always be the person who is controlling the discussion, not the person being controlled.
Overview: Sales and Negotiation
Commercialization
Like most of the teachings in the book “What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School”, the art of marketing cannot be learned in marketing studies and experiments, but it must be intuitive of practice.
It comes from observing customers and perceiving hidden motivation as to why they actually care or dislike your product.
If done correctly, what the author Mark H. McCormack calls "marketing", has no cost, unlike marketing and product promotion.
These last two are focused on the product and its characteristics, functions and market advantages. Marketing puts the buyer in the spotlight.
Know your product, your corporation and have the right people, who believe in the product and sell it with enthusiasm.
Stratagems
Most people generally underestimate the importance and power of a sales-oriented atmosphere. However, just as there is a perfect time to make a sale (timing), there is also an ideal environment. Author Mark H. McCormack points out that this environment is never the buyer's office.
Also, keep in mind the two main preconditions for a sale to take place:
· Find out what exactly the person wants to buy. If you don't know, ask and let the person tell you. It is easier to sell what the buyer wants than to convince him to buy what you want to sell;
· Know who will actually make the purchase. Companies have hierarchies and people who make the final decisions. Don't ignore that.
To guarantee the success of a sale, Mark suggests in his book, “What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School”, several other practices, from some simple to more elaborate ones. Here are some of them:
· Selling directly to one person is much easier than giving presentations to large groups of people. Find the key person and make the offer directly to them;
· Always remind the client of your greatest past achievements. Great customers, prizes won, great achievements achieved. People want to do business with winners;
· Expose your product instead of selling it. If you are really confident in your product and know that the customer will be satisfied, another effective technique is to give the product (or part of it) to the consumer. Thus, he himself will come to the conclusion that this is exactly what he needs.
Overview: Business Administration
Author Mark H. McCormack brings in this section, even more than in the rest of the book “What They Don't Teach You at Harvard Business School”, practical examples of situations he lived through becoming an entrepreneur and throughout the life of his company.
All of his teachings are based on situations lived and observed by himself.
Building a Business
During the first years of its existence, any company will face major problems and challenges to be overcome. However, there will also be many opportunities and lucky moments.
It is essential to know how to perceive these lucky moments and, in addition to enjoying them, to be aware that they are not common and will not be repeated frequently. You can't wait for luck to make a deal work.
Analyze your successes and failures. Focus on becoming good before you want to become big. Grow slowly and consistently. Thus, your company will achieve both: a healthy growth rate and profit.
Always be aware of good opportunities and don't forget some key points:
· Diversify your expertise. Don't focus all your efforts on just one product or service. Be ready to offer what the market is asking for;
· Always ensure that you are hiring the best people, those who will teach you what you don't know how to do;
· Look out for global markets. Anticipate the demands that will arise in other countries and will reach yours and, mainly, what you can offer out.
Okay, but how can I apply this to my life?
The main teaching that Mark H. McCormack brings in his work, “What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School”, is that the main actions that any entrepreneur carries out on a daily basis are learned in practice.
Therefore, according to the author himself, it is not just reading this book that will make anyone a good executive. You will need to get your hands dirty and face reality to learn your own.
So be sure to:
· Create a strong networking network and always seek to learn from people who know more than you do about a certain topic;
· Listening more than you speak;
· Seek to approach your customers and understand what they really have been looking for. Talk, ask;
· Be aware of the market and not be afraid to invest in new expertise.